My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
