just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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