she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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