There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
They have beer where we have blood.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
