ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
