wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
