Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
