I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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