my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
