do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
