There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
