Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
3pm strippers are depressing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
