I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
