Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
