you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
