Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
