Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
