If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
