is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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