At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
