It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
