its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
