Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
