His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
