Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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