I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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