you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
