What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I understand Curling. That high.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
