Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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