well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
