Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
