Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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