We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
