Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
