I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
