and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
BRING THE BAGELS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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