I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
