I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
