I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
