I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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