it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
