I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
