I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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