Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
