If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
