girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
