I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
