I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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