The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
