I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
only if we run a train.
done.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
