all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
