i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
