just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
love makes seman taste better
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
