It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
